Herb Caen

"I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I've ever met."

Alice Roosevelt Longworth

"If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me."

Alex Haley

"Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help."

Billy Connolly

"There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter."

Casey Stengel

"All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height."