Woody Allen

"Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once."

Al Boliska

"Do you realize if it weren't for Edison we'd be watching TV by candlelight?"

W. H. Auden

"We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know."

Yogi Berra

"Half the lies they tell about me aren't true."

Johnny Carson

"If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners."

Robert Benchley

"Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of."

Imelda Marcos

"I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty."